Sometimes you make a decision and sometimes life makes a decision for you. Regardless, I find myself sitting here before my computer, staring at the blank page before me, back home where I belong. In more ways than one. Healing.

Last month I boarded a flight and landed in Lusaka, Zambia – my country, after 3 long years away. It’s the longest I’ve ever stayed away from home. My Zambian phone number even stopped working. I tried to get the SIM card from Airtel, and they said it had been discontinued due to years of disservice. I was shocked that it had been that long, because truthfully, I would have stayed away longer had it not been for a solemn promise I gave my dear friend Busiku, that I would attend her wedding to her Ndola beau Harry over Easter. I’m really trying to be a woman of my word. I want to

‘say what I mean and mean what I say’ (Akil Henry – 2015)

So in the midst of war and other American (Tr*mp)-led mayhem, I packed my bags from Atlanta, rode the skies to London Heathrow and after a short stint in England, which included a surprise visit to my nieces in Yorkshire, several health and maintenance appointments rammed into 72 hours (think dentist, doctors, diagnostic scans and everything else). I was able to catch my flight with Ugandan airlines BY GOD’S GRACE! Yes, Uganda airlines is now flying from London Gatwick to Lusaka! Even with the 2 hour stop in Entebbe Uganda, it was the shortest flight I have ever taken to Zambia.

Where have I been?

So here we are at home, after 3 long years. Why has it taken me so long to come back here? To Zambia and here; to metiyachique.com. Well so much has happened in those three years. In 2024 my life changed. I attribute so much of my healing journey to 2024, but truthfully when I look back at everything, I realise that God started doing this work in me many many years prior to that. It was almost like preparation for what was going to be the biggest challenge and toughest time of my life. But God will never start something that he cannot end. And all of God’s work is good, very good.

I stopped sleeping in 2021, by that I mean that I experienced increasingly worsening insomnia. It started off with just going to bed late, and then waking up super early, but by 2023 it had progressed into full blown anxiety-induced panic attacks in my sleep, and despite everything I tried (and I tried everything within my belief system) I could only get 3 hours sleep, maximum 4 on a good night. I was pushing through every day and crying myself to sleep most nights – prayer and God’s grace got me through, and on the outside, no one would guess that there was a very strong internal conflict I was battling. By the time 2024 came around, I knew that there was a bigger problem at play, and so I found out that my church provides free therapy (not counselling) sessions through the family division. I put some family members on the list because God forbid my needs are just as important as everyone else’s and I argued that they needed therapy because they had been through so much (lol I know). Eventually I too put myself down on the list and realised that maybe I needed to try a different kind of therapy infused with my faith this time.

Most of you know the story, as I shared it in 2025 on my YouTube channel here. But for those who don’t, I will summarise briefly below.

Please note this post contains discussions of childhood abuse, grief and healing. I invite you to read with tenderness toward yourself and pause whenever you need to. Some resources for support have been listed in my YouTube video description.

I got assigned a wonderful human, a retired professional therapist who was giving back to the community by sharing her gifts through free therapy sessions for the church’s mental health support ministry. It happened in January 2024, and I was actually partaking in the ten days of prayer program my church runs every new year. This is important because what happened next can only be described as a supernatural and catalytic sequence of life-changing revelations. For the first time in my life, I realised that my relentless drive, perfectionism and feeling ‘never good enough’ was rooted in trauma. Subconsciously I was running and had been running for a long time from wounds that were too deep to overtake. My outlet was my work and that led to addiction – namely workaholism and I was working to bury the things my body could not forget. Unfortunately, no matter how much one tries to consume the mind, the body keeps the score. And although I was initially in shock and almost called my therapist crazy for calling me an addict, I began to see that there was a real problem. As much as I wanted to ignore it, Something my therapist said kept playing in my head:

UNTIL YOU HEAL THE WOUND, IT’S GOING TO KEEP ON BLEEDING.

I had to discover what this wound was, to unbury all the realities I had created, and to sit with my pain. Over the course of the next few months, I read several books, watched countless recovery testimonies and joined different support groups. I made the difficult decision to quit. I quit everything that had become a coping mechanism. I quit my job, my business, my books, my side-hustles, YouTube, blogging, vlogging, my non-profit organisation, social media, the gym, I even quit music and only listened to gospel for the year. I realised that I had gotten very good at running and in order to be still, I would have to take away anything that I could obsess over/make a distraction. I took out all the distractions and all that was left was therapy, prayer, my writings and my tears.

In the first couple of months of therapy, I shared about the sexual assault I had experienced as a 14year old girl in UK. I opened up about the abandonment and rejection I had experienced in my childhood from my father and eventually, I shared for the first time ever, that I had been abused as a child by my father’s son, my half-brother when I was in Zambia.

It was very hard. A grieving season. Some therapy sessions I was unable to say anything, I just sat there and cried. But my incredible therapist gave me room to do so and sat with me. She reminded me that God was with me and loved and cared for me so much and she prayed for me. One day in my grief I stumbled upon the work of Dr Anita Phillips and she something that sparked a light in my mind. She said that sometimes as Christians we want to gloss over pain and pretend that it didn’t hurt, or that we deserved the pain, or could handle it, or that we needed it to make us better. But very few of us ever acknowledge our pain AND take it to God. Dr. Anita said, ‘have we ever stopped to ask God WHY?’

This is where things started to change for me. For the first time in my life, I took my pain to God and asked, ‘Why did thy forsake me?’ I asked, ‘Why would you let a little child go through so much hurt?’. And believe it or not, I got the answers I had been so afraid to find my whole life. God started to reveal himself to me as MY compassionate father, as one who hurts when I hurt, who cries when I cry and who has never ever left my side.

That is not justifying the rape, assault or abuse I experienced. But I learnt that the only reason Satan was allowed to kill Jesus is because God had a plan for our eternal salvation and Jesus’ eternal glory. He had not forsaken Jesus through his pain on the cross, and he had never forsaken me. Although he allowed satan to carry out his wicked plan, God was never going to allow him to destroy me. What the enemy meant for evil – God was going to turn it around for my good and the good of others.

For the first time in my journey, I felt like I could see the light at the end of a very dark and lonely tunnel. As the grey clouds of winter rode away and summer teased her warm rays, I felt the brightness and joy of life start to reappear once again. After 6 months with FREE church therapy. I joined BetterHelp and found an incredible strong, bold and loving Nigerian woman therapist. We worked together for the rest of the year, and she helped me do something I thought I would never do. I confronted my abuser and disclosed the childhood abuse I had experienced from my half-brother after 23 years of silence.

I finally sent the shame back to the abuser.

🙂

What’s next?

It’s been almost 2 years since I shared my story. 2025 was a busy year for me – I preached my first sermon, shared my story in UK and USA and worldwide through my digital channels. I also released my book ‘You Are Enough – The Purpose Journal’ here in hard copy for the first time! It’s available for purchase worldwide through Amazon. 2026 is more about resting, trying a slower pace of life, practicing self-compassion and being enough.

Coming back home is more than just coming back to Zambia or to metiyachique.com, it’s more about creating a space within myself that feels safe enough to call home. Perhaps as Dr Thema Bryant writes – ‘we are all on a journey of learning how to come home to ourselves.’ To sit in the silence of your soul, to acknowledge your wounds instead of running from them, to hold even the darkest parts of your story with compassion and to create a gentle loving space within that you can call home.

I look forward to going on this journey with you darling reader, thank you for your time and care. May it be returned to you tenfold.

Love, light & healing.

MC xxx