I just wanted to check in with you guys, as it’s been so long and this year has so been so challenging. I hope you are all well, please let me know if you are reading this. I haven’t posted since last year and I’m so sure no-one reads this anymore. But I wanted to write to mark my year around earth. 2020 will be unforgettable anyway. But I wanted to write about finding hoy in 2020 and mark this year on a special day of my life to always remember that God can make light of even the darkest situation. I booked a staycation in UK to celebrate my birthday safely this year. I stayed at the lovely Rudding Park hotel and it was a great time.
Despite the several downs, I can say that God has been faithful to me and allowed me to be here whole today. I took an exercise of recounting all the things I’ve been through since last year. And I can truly say that it’s by God’s grace that I’m here now. It was too many life-threatening situations that I escaped and I know for a fact that if I can come out unscathed, then I will make it through it all. God is watching me and he is watching you, he will take care of us and guide us through even the darkest times.
It’s been over five weeks since I last wrote. That is crazy right. The thing is, I’ve actually planned to write on several occasions, it’s simply just not worked out. I’ve even sat down with a pen and tried to get my thoughts down on paper – but failed. Sometimes we are our own biggest obstacle, and that can be one of the biggest challenges we face in the journey to our dreams.
More often than not, when we focus on a specific or particular goal, it hinders us from noticing the many other blessings in our life. I was so focused on achieving certain things before my birthday this year. I wanted a promotion in my job, a new apartment and a flat, toned stomach ( my belly just laughed at that last one LOL). And then it was July, August, one month until my birthday in September and guess what, I had not achieved those particular things I set out to do. It makes your mind go crazy when you place your value on something. You will stay up late at night trying everything to prove your value and worth through that thing. Your mind is unsettled, and mine was so consumed that I failed to calm myself enough to write from the heart. There was a disconnect.
A few things happened in that time. I went inwards, started finding different outlets to get my mind off whatever was happening in my mind. I became a gym bunny and started sharing less of me in general. I thought more about what I could do and be for others and allowed my mind to focus on that instead. I think there is always a pressure for us to be a certain way by a named age. So at 25yo you are expected to be young and in your sweet prime, one year later people are asking what you are doing with your life, at 28 they cannot believe you are still single, by 30yo they are expecting children. WOW! Allow it, please.
But the key thing that came out of it this period of silence for me was that my value is not determined by anything on this earth. Not my career, my relationship status, my bank balance nor level of attraction/beauty attributed me by worldly standards. I am not what I have and it cannot determine my success as a human being. I also learnt that the journey is a wonderful thing, my fellow dreamers devout to making our dreams come true will have felt the pain that comes with gaining nothing from your efforts. Seemingly staying in one stagnant position. When it feels like that hasn’t worked, we naturally feel like we have wasted our time. But let me tell you, the lessons you learn through your failures are the ones that will fuel your success!
Everyone’s journey is different. Nobody said that it would be easy, but you can rest assured that with faith and God – there is nothing you cannot do. Just being here is a blessing. I really forgot to notice all these wonderful things I’ve been given. Freedom to walk and talk, the ability to travel down the road to church or across cities or even across countries. The friends that have stuck through the darkest parts of my life, and the incredible family God has kindly given me.
We all have something to be grateful for, life is made of moments tied together by emotions that shape and mould the destiny of our souls. We’ll never get those moments back, they are here once and then gone forever. So I want you to join me in making this vow to yourself, that we will not neglect the moments and blessing we are surrounded by daily. That we will not focus so far ahead that we forget to be in the present. That we will hold on to our dreams with hope while we enjoy all the things and people we currently have. And above all, that we daily practice LOVE, for ourselves and for others, because ultimately, only love will last forever.
Love and light x MC
This post is dedicated to Steve Andeke and Gracious Mutale. MYSRIP
I know what life is like, and how quick it is to TRY and steal your joy! But I just want to give you three reasons why it ain’t gonna bring you down friend, You got this! Also must add that this dress is not in the KWIMBO store but if you would like one, let me know and I will get it for you in the next batch!
1. You’re STILL here
We tend to get so caught up in where we are going, that we sometimes forget where we came from. The journey you have been on to get where you are is MIRACULOUS! I know you might have dreamt of being somewhere else at this point in your life, but think about all the times you LOST your way, all the times life got you really down and yet you fought, you kept on going to be here in one piece (Or two or three but hey, we aint counting 😉 You made it here coz you are a survivor, God kept and brought you to this point because he is not yet through with you!
2. You are wiser
You are like ‘Metiya, that’s a big assumption to make!’ But I made it, and I’m very comfortable in saying that YOU are wiser, because if you are human, which I presume you are (otherwise animals are welcome, aliens I’m not sure) then you will have made MISTAKES along the journey to get here. And because you are wise, those mistakes taught you something. I have made several mistakes – we could write a book with thousands of pages on that. But I have learnt so much about life, myself and others through the mistakes of my past. Your mistakes are the bricks that will allow you to build your character. The lifetime value the present in way of lessons, is greater than what they might have taken from you. Always remember that your mistakes do not define you, but it is how you pick yourself from your mistakes that does. Y’all remember Jesus’ favourite phrase in the New testament? He says on several occasions to past sinners ‘Go and sin no more.’
3. You ain’t finished yet!
The great thing about it all is that you are not yet even in your FINAL FORM! I have seen this going around on twitter (you better add me right now – @metiyachique) where people speak about not yet reaching their final form. They say things like ‘I am so fabulous but the funny thing is, I’m not yet even in my final form!’ Final form here means the completed process of self-improvement. I can say confidently that You nor I are not in our final form yet as I believe that this is a life’s work. We are human so we can ALWAYS improve, be better and be kinder to those around us. But more than that, we are always growing. Final form for me means I am living a purposeful life daily walking the path God planned for me long ago. You might be lucky enough to feel you are living that way right now. But for many of us, we are still working towards aligning our actions with our purpose and it is a journey. You can keep on going with faith that you will reach the destination and ultimately a place of fulfilment and happiness in the life you live.
This entire shoot reminds me of summer. The kind of summer singers write about. The kind of summer you tell stories about, that one summer you’ll never forget. My favourite thing about it is of course my Kwimbo top, I introduced the Chitenge/Kitenge/Ankara African print shop last weekend in [this] post and it’s been getting so much love which I’m grateful for. This piece is called Siavonga Sunset, named after one of the most beautiful places at home. Siavonga is a town in the Southern Province of Zambia, lying on the north shore of Lake Kariba and boasts one of the best sunsets around. Read more about it on the Zambia Tourism site.
This is a quick post about questions to ask yourself before you fall in love, mostly from experience (lol you know hindsight is 20/20). But it also draws from wise counsel of elders around me, from great books and from those who have succeeded in finding true love.
1. How well do I know them?
Listen, there is nothing worse than discovering a ‘deal-breaker’ characteristic AFTER you’ve already developed feelings for the person. Ask questions about the person, spend time getting to know them, spend time with their friends or family where possible. Run a background check (I’M SERIOUS!) ask about them from the locals, find out as much as you can before you fall. And then decide if you really align.
2. Is this lust or something deeper?
Okay hands up, I love a good looking man as much as the next girl. Attraction is an important factor in a relationship and you must feel comfortable with the person you choose. However, it’s not the be all and end all of a relationship. I never thought I was so shallow to be honest until I took certain factors such as sex, money, physique out of the equation. Would you still like your partner if they were stripped of these external attributes? Would you still want them?
3. Do they make me a better person?
A partnership can be the making of breaking of someone. I’ve seen people blossom in the arms of the right person, they’ve gained confidence, gone for their dreams or just become so much kinder. Simply because they have the right person in their corner supporting them. When I was with the wrong person, things went wrong for me. I settled for the wrong job, I spent less time with my friends/family, I had low self esteem and it was just the wrong situation for me. Love is supposed to make you feel free, and allow you to reach new heights. If you believe you are happier on your own, it’s probably not the right situation for you.
4. Can I rely on this person?
Mhmmm. My face says it all! You know some people have the gift of the gab. Words are powerful and when used to whisper beautiful nothings in your ear, they can be a very dangerous tool. Beware the trap of falling for words! Watch for actions! Life is brilliant when you’re up on the mountain, cloud nine enjoying sunshine and freedom. But when things go down and life hits you from the side – where are they? Are they by your side supporting you, do they make an effort to help? Can you feel that they care through their actions, without having to prompt them.
5. What are their future plans, do they align with mine?
Ladies, if a man says he doesn’t know what he wants for his future, be very cautious. You can develop feelings and want more with someone who doesn’t even know what they want for themselves. I’ve met many men that are simply not ready. They have not thought through or considered their future, this is not the man for me. On the other hand, there are men that know exactly what they want (S/O to all my real male friends there’s only two tbh ). So it’s easier to see if their future plans align with yours. Because you might find that despite sharing similar values, you want to lead two very different lives.
Be careful what you compromise, it’s not worth losing yourself for anyone. The world needs you just as you are, and the right love for you will allow you to be the best version of yourself 🙂
That’s the top five questions I now ask myself before falling for anyone. What would you add to the list? Comments are back working again so let me know what you think below? Love and light x MC
Hi loves, I’m so excited to share this post today. If you’ve read my blog before, you’ll know that I’ve been talking about creating a store on the site for some of my African-print chitenge designs. Some of you registered your interest on certain items, and although it has taken way longer than anticipated (I think the idea was born around this time last year), I’m very happy to say it’s finally here! Kwimbo means home, and the matching set I am wearing below is aptly named after my paternal tribe – Kaonde. This store is a reflection of the rich culture and landscape of my country Zambia, a piece of home that I wish to extend to you. You can read more about the store and inspiration on the link below:
You can shop these and more chitenge designs at KWIMBO – there will be more styles coming so let me know if there is anything you would like. I want to not only share the beauty of my country in these designs, but also to return something back home. So 10% of the profits of each sale will be given to Chikumbuso Charity, a Zambian-based project that provides opportunities for widowed women in Lusaka to gain work skills and provide for their families.
I sincerely appreciate your support and encouragement. May God bless you and guide you.
Do you know what you want? Some people have always known what they wanted. When I was younger, I was sure that I wanted to be a doctor. Then I got into my pre-medical course. I saw that my biggest motivation was helping people. I found purpose in living a life that benefited others, but I also started to realise that there were different ways I could help people while using the gifts I had. I enjoyed many elements of my introduction to Medicine, but there were many others I could not imagine living as me. So I set about finding my gifts, what was I naturally good at? How could I develop it and how could I use my gifts to find a fulfilling career?
Here are five things I find useful in helping me identify my God-given gifts:
Define happiness for you
Ask yourself, when is this life have you been happy? Like really in bliss and content and filled with joy. What where you doing? Where were you? What caused you to feel that way. And most importantly why? Write down as many happy memories as you can remember
Recognise your strengths
For some reason, we tend to pay more attention to the negative things people say about us rather than the positive ones. Let’s flip the script! What are you good at? What do people always say – WOW you are GREAT at that! For me, it was always writing, but like many of us – I didn’t really pay attention to that because it came so naturally to me. What comes naturally to you? Pay attention to these things, play to your strengths.
Review your performance
We all know actions speak louder than words. There are some things we are quite good at but don’t believe. This could be for various reasons, perhaps they make us uncomfortable, or we don’t realise just how good we are because nobody tell us, and when they do, we don’t believe them. For example, I used to be a brilliant high jumper at school, my P.E. teacher would enter me into all sorts of competitions across the county. But I hit my teens and developed really bad anxiety. I would dread competition days so much that I failed to sleep dreaming about them. My teacher noticed I was more reluctant and said we could work through the nerves, but I was too scared. *insert sad emoji here*
Reflect on the hard times
So this one is interesting, but have you ever gone through a low patch? Has your friend gone through a low patch? How did you behave during that time? You are here today, maybe you are going through a rough time right now, but you’ve made it through before. How? Some of our best qualities shine in the darkest of times. Last year on my birthday trip to Miami, we were caught up in hurricane Irma. We had to evacuate South beach and find somewhere safe to ride out the storm. We had no electricity and tornadoes hit us night after night, but I got to experience a different, very protective side to me. My number one goal was to make sure my best friends were safe. I now add ‘protective’ to my list of qualities. What characteristics did you display in times of difficulty?
Celebrate your differences
Despite the world wanting us to believe there is only one way to be intelligent, beautiful or talented, there are several different versions of these things. We were all made for a unique reason and our differences are what drive the success of our being. It’s very dangerous to try and be like everyone else, I recall at one point having some identity crisis in my teens when my characteristics became a trend. But it took me a while to learn that my natural hair, love of avocados and vinyasa yoga are not what made me who I was. My soul makes me who I am, other people can do exactly what I do but NOBODY can do it like me. That’s the difference. You have gotta stay you because authenticity lasts the test of time.