Father’s Day for the fatherless and broken-hearted
Father's Day for the fatherless
For anyone triggered by Father’s Day I know today is a hard day. I understand the pain and questions that can arise on Father's day for those with absent dads, late dads or dads you never know...
Father's Day for the fatherless
Father’s Day heartbreak is real

Todays is Father’s Day all around the world, and whilst some people celebrate with their loved ones or look back at fond memories of time together and joyfully reflect on key moments that shaped who they are, alas others still lament.

When Father’s Day is difficult…

Whilst Father’s Day is a wonderful opportunity to appreciate and acknowledge the great men that have stepped up in our lives to love us, protect us and guide us along life’s way, it can just as equally be a day of sorrow for those who missed out on the same. If today is a little bit awkward and you’re not sure what to do with yourself, or the propensity to hide or drink or work (hello fellow workaholics) or to exercise harder, or to have sex or to binge watch Netflix is higher than usual, then this post is for you.

Human beings are created by the coming together of a male and female species, the child created contains genetic material of the father and mother, so by nature a child is born with a longing of the nurture of both their parents. The absence of either one will cause a shift in the development of that child’s mental, emotional and some cases physical growth. And it is more than probable that the child will experience some form of neglect or abandonment trauma that will shake their perceived value, worth or place in the world. This can lead to issues in the developed adult’s self-esteem, self-belief, confidence, contentedness or mental health. All of this just to say that – IT’S OKAY TO BE SAD THIS FATHER’S DAY.

Many of us learn from an early age to cover up anything that makes others uncomfortable, and as humans we desire belonging, so anything that makes us more difficult to be around is shunned by ourselves and society as something we need to hide. ( I wrote a whole blog on this topic here) Unfortunately, this is also true of our emotions – particularly those hidden so far and deep within us that we are not even quite sure we understand them. So we subconsciously bury them in mounds and heaps of shame, and choose to focus on what is in our control – fixing ourselves.

But what if we didn’t?

What if we were honest about the wounds our childhoods created. It is absolutely normal that a child who grew up with an absent father should feel sad and upset on Father’s day. It should be expected that the child will grow up to have questions like ‘Why did my father reject me?’ or ‘Why wasn’t I good enough?’ or ‘Why didn’t I deserve love?’ And unfortunately children don’t have the ability to reason about a situation beyond their own childlike perception so children will ALWAYS blame themselves. They take the blame for their environments whether harmful, abusive or neglectful – the child believes it’s their fault- if only they could be be a bit better or faster or smarter or more beautiful then maybe they wouldn’t experience that pain. And many of these children grow up to be adults in society today – we are out here paying bills, having children, contributing to society, but still carrying this huge wound inside anchored around the question ‘Will I ever be good enough?’

The only way to heal a wound is to first acknowledge that there is a wound, otherwise we keep on bleeding. So I just want to encourage whoever is reading this today that being aware of your pain is very powerful, and there is no age limit, status limit, height limit or role limit to heal your inner child. That child will follow you wherever you go, whoever you marry and whatever job you do. And when you are brave enough to face that pain and cater to your wound then you will experience healing, belonging, love and acceptance and the best part is that it won’t depend on anyone or anything except you. You might not have had a dad in your life to love you, teach you, embrace you, spend time with you, advise you, support you, wanna know you, cry with you, encourage you, protect you or be there for you like a parent should. But there is healing and love available for you.

Firstly you must believe that it wasn’t your fault that you were abandoned, rejected, abused or neglected by your father. And there is someone who loves you even more than any earthly parent could. Someone who would die just for an opportunity to spend time with you! Who chooses you even on your worst day. Someone who is not ashamed to be called YOUR Father and who desperately wants you to let him love and heal you in all the places you’re hurting. To anyone whose heart is breaking today God says this to you;

I am your Father, I Love you UNCONDITIONALLY, I created you, I chose you and you ARE MINE! I WILL DO ANYTHING FOR YOU!

1 John 3:1, Ephesians 1:4, Isaiah 43:1, Jeremiah 1:5

You are just as valuable, worthy, beautiful and good enough. The absence of your father to validate you doesn’t mean you don’t have value. God created you with infinite value and DEMONSTRATED it by sending his beloved son Jesus Christ to die for you. 

You ARE loved, you ARE wanted, you ARE good enough JUST AS YOU ARE right now, God wants you and will do anything for you. He is excited to receive you and will ALWAYS welcome you into his arms whatever you do, wherever you go because he is your father! His love for you is everlasting because you are HIS baby! Created in his image. You don’t have to be perfect to be loved, to be number one, to be the best at everything, because God already loves you! Just as you are today. 

Maybe you didn’t hear it from your biological father but hear it from God when he says ‘You are not a mistake, you are the best thing that ever happened to me, there is no one else like you on this earth, you are precious and beautiful and NOTHING will ever separate you from my love ❤️

Allow me to heal you in all the places you’re hurting, and to put together your broken heart 💔 I am yours and you are mine, my son, my daughter. I LOVE YOU. 

God, your daddy forever.

I pray this this has brought some comfort to you today. I never thought healing could be such a radical journey for me, but I’m so glad that I embarked on it. And I invite you to do the same, you have one life which was created for a reason, your parents could have made anybody else but God chose YOU! You are unique and special and wanted and I just want you and me to know what it feels like to be enough.

Join my Freedom to Heal group chat on telegram and make sure you’re subscribed to my newsletter here for more encouragement and support.

Love and light always x


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