Top: Bangweulu Blue Bardot Top [Here]
It’s been over five weeks since I last wrote. That is crazy right. The thing is, I’ve actually planned to write on several occasions, it’s simply just not worked out. I’ve even sat down with a pen and tried to get my thoughts down on paper – but failed. Sometimes we are our own biggest obstacle, and that can be one of the biggest challenges we face in the journey to our dreams.
More often than not, when we focus on a specific or particular goal, it hinders us from noticing the many other blessings in our life. I was so focused on achieving certain things before my birthday this year. I wanted a promotion in my job, a new apartment and a flat, toned stomach ( my belly just laughed at that last one LOL). And then it was July, August, one month until my birthday in September and guess what, I had not achieved those particular things I set out to do. It makes your mind go crazy when you place your value on something. You will stay up late at night trying everything to prove your value and worth through that thing. Your mind is unsettled, and mine was so consumed that I failed to calm myself enough to write from the heart. There was a disconnect.
[Shop this look on KWIMBO]
A few things happened in that time. I went inwards, started finding different outlets to get my mind off whatever was happening in my mind. I became a gym bunny and started sharing less of me in general. I thought more about what I could do and be for others and allowed my mind to focus on that instead. I think there is always a pressure for us to be a certain way by a named age. So at 25yo you are expected to be young and in your sweet prime, one year later people are asking what you are doing with your life, at 28 they cannot believe you are still single, by 30yo they are expecting children. WOW! Allow it, please.
But the key thing that came out of it this period of silence for me was that my value is not determined by anything on this earth. Not my career, my relationship status, my bank balance nor level of attraction/beauty attributed me by worldly standards. I am not what I have and it cannot determine my success as a human being. I also learnt that the journey is a wonderful thing, my fellow dreamers devout to making our dreams come true will have felt the pain that comes with gaining nothing from your efforts. Seemingly staying in one stagnant position. When it feels like that hasn’t worked, we naturally feel like we have wasted our time. But let me tell you, the lessons you learn through your failures are the ones that will fuel your success!
Everyone’s journey is different. Nobody said that it would be easy, but you can rest assured that with faith and God – there is nothing you cannot do. Just being here is a blessing. I really forgot to notice all these wonderful things I’ve been given. Freedom to walk and talk, the ability to travel down the road to church or across cities or even across countries. The friends that have stuck through the darkest parts of my life, and the incredible family God has kindly given me.
We all have something to be grateful for, life is made of moments tied together by emotions that shape and mould the destiny of our souls. We’ll never get those moments back, they are here once and then gone forever. So I want you to join me in making this vow to yourself, that we will not neglect the moments and blessing we are surrounded by daily. That we will not focus so far ahead that we forget to be in the present. That we will hold on to our dreams with hope while we enjoy all the things and people we currently have. And above all, that we daily practice LOVE, for ourselves and for others, because ultimately, only love will last forever.
Love and light x MC
This post is dedicated to Steve Andeke and Gracious Mutale. MYSRIP
Top: KWIMBO [Shop here] Photography: Hinywi Creative Infinity
This entire shoot reminds me of summer. The kind of summer singers write about. The kind of summer you tell stories about, that one summer you’ll never forget. My favourite thing about it is of course my Kwimbo top, I introduced the Chitenge/Kitenge/Ankara African print shop last weekend in [this] post and it’s been getting so much love which I’m grateful for. This piece is called Siavonga Sunset, named after one of the most beautiful places at home. Siavonga is a town in the Southern Province of Zambia, lying on the north shore of Lake Kariba and boasts one of the best sunsets around. Read more about it on the Zambia Tourism site.
This is a quick post about questions to ask yourself before you fall in love, mostly from experience (lol you know hindsight is 20/20). But it also draws from wise counsel of elders around me, from great books and from those who have succeeded in finding true love.
1. How well do I know them?
Listen, there is nothing worse than discovering a ‘deal-breaker’ characteristic AFTER you’ve already developed feelings for the person. Ask questions about the person, spend time getting to know them, spend time with their friends or family where possible. Run a background check (I’M SERIOUS!) ask about them from the locals, find out as much as you can before you fall. And then decide if you really align.
2. Is this lust or something deeper?
Okay hands up, I love a good looking man as much as the next girl. Attraction is an important factor in a relationship and you must feel comfortable with the person you choose. However, it’s not the be all and end all of a relationship. I never thought I was so shallow to be honest until I took certain factors such as sex, money, physique out of the equation. Would you still like your partner if they were stripped of these external attributes? Would you still want them?
3. Do they make me a better person?
A partnership can be the making of breaking of someone. I’ve seen people blossom in the arms of the right person, they’ve gained confidence, gone for their dreams or just become so much kinder. Simply because they have the right person in their corner supporting them. When I was with the wrong person, things went wrong for me. I settled for the wrong job, I spent less time with my friends/family, I had low self esteem and it was just the wrong situation for me. Love is supposed to make you feel free, and allow you to reach new heights. If you believe you are happier on your own, it’s probably not the right situation for you.
4. Can I rely on this person?
Mhmmm. My face says it all! You know some people have the gift of the gab. Words are powerful and when used to whisper beautiful nothings in your ear, they can be a very dangerous tool. Beware the trap of falling for words! Watch for actions! Life is brilliant when you’re up on the mountain, cloud nine enjoying sunshine and freedom. But when things go down and life hits you from the side – where are they? Are they by your side supporting you, do they make an effort to help? Can you feel that they care through their actions, without having to prompt them.
5. What are their future plans, do they align with mine?
Ladies, if a man says he doesn’t know what he wants for his future, be very cautious. You can develop feelings and want more with someone who doesn’t even know what they want for themselves. I’ve met many men that are simply not ready. They have not thought through or considered their future, this is not the man for me. On the other hand, there are men that know exactly what they want (S/O to all my real male friends there’s only two tbh ). So it’s easier to see if their future plans align with yours. Because you might find that despite sharing similar values, you want to lead two very different lives.
Be careful what you compromise, it’s not worth losing yourself for anyone. The world needs you just as you are, and the right love for you will allow you to be the best version of yourself 🙂
That’s the top five questions I now ask myself before falling for anyone. What would you add to the list? Comments are back working again so let me know what you think below? Love and light x MC