I’ve learnt something about a broken heart. It’s easier to conceal than a broken leg. Many people don’t see it because it’s not bleeding. To be a clear, a broken heart is caused by many things, and this writing will focus on a heart broken by losing something. Anything we lose can cause our hearts to break. From the obvious; losing loved ones or losing lovers but also less obvious things like losing your innocence, your childhood joy, safety or anything else that you have lost.
The best concealers of pain are those who’ve practiced for many years, like everything else in life – practice makes perfect. But the toll of perfection, of hiding and masking pain everyday can be exhausting, simply exhausting.
Some people get so good at hiding pain that they don’t know where to begin sharing it. Where to start? Who will listen? Who will believe? And most importantly, who will care? What is the point of bringing that stuff all up just to be left in pain again. Better to carry on the charade, the expected and swing through the motions of life.
But somewhere deep inside, is a child screaming and wanting to be seen and loved for who they are. They are lost and confused because they don’t know that they are worthy, valued or enough. That child is desperate for help but has gone so long without it, that they sink deeper and deeper away into the depths of their adult carrier. As a way to survive, the brain dissociates from the pain of the child, sometimes even forgetting core memories. And the adult is left with crushing mental & emotional pain they can’t explain the source of.
When you can’t associate the pain of your past with how you feel, it makes you feel like something is wrong with you. Like you are the problem, why can’t you just be okay, why can’t you just get over it, why can’t you just be like everyone else. But how??
The worst thing to experience is a life you’re not living. It’s like watching the clock to your death but being stuck on a chair all alone in a white room with a clock on the wall and one-way windows to the outside world. You can see them but they can’t see you. And there’s nothing you can do but watch time pass you by whilst you stay…stuck. You try everything to get unstuck, to leave the chair, to walk out the door and live your life but you can’t.
Very few people will ever know that you are not okay. This is your superpower. You deliberately albeit subconsciously surround yourself with people and friends that won’t prod too much – they’re busy fighting their own battles and won’t have the time to even look into yours which is exactly what you want and are used to. You have watched and studied the outside so well from that room that you know exactly what to say, how to look and how to behave in order to fit in. But truly you are EXHAUSTED. SO TIRED of putting on a mask every day. You are climbing a hill with a backpack of burdens on your shoulders and it’s getting heavier each day.
Who will understand your pain? Who will see the crushing load on your back and help you? It feels like nobody can and nobody will. And this is the point where many give up their struggle. It’s just not worth the journey anymore. They want to be free.
I’ve reached this point before, more than once. But someone saved me like only a real saviour can. Someone who knew the pain of carrying a load up a hill to their death, paying the price for something they didn’t do and experiencing the pain of rejection. The difference between this Saviour’s experience and mine though is that his burden is VOLUNTARY. He CHOSE to go through all of that because of LOVE for us.
”For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son, that whoever believes in Him should not perish but have everlasting life.”
John 3:16 NKJV
But did he volunteer to live a life of misery, to be chastised for others sins and to die the death of a criminal? Yes:
“The Father loves me because I sacrifice my life so I may take it back again. No one can take my life from me. I sacrifice it voluntarily. For I have the authority to lay it down when I want to and also to take it up again. For this is what my Father has commanded.”
John 10:17-18 NLT
Love lifts us up. Love saves from the fire. Love takes away the load from our backs and carries it for us. “Greater love has no one than this, than to lay down one’s life for his friends.”
John 15:13 NKJV
We are in a battlefield, a spiritual war with an ongoing fight for YOUR soul. Can you imagine being so valuable that YOUR soul is causing a cosmic conflict right now! Satan wants to destroy you, he wishes to steal your joy, your life, your future and your bloodline. But God not only has THE plan to save you but has already executed it and come out victorious!
”The thief does not come except to steal, and to kill, and to destroy. I have come that they may have life, and that they may have it more abundantly.“
John 10:10 NKJV
Jesus didn’t just die for us just to go to heaven. Yes the end goal is to be part of the ‘new Jerusalem’ that God himself will build, not human hands. Where they’ll be no poverty, no sickness, no suffering and NO DEATH! (Hebrews 11:10, Revelation 21) but he also died that we should ENJOY life on earth. To have life and to have it more abundantly means to walk out of that sickly room, to step outside and to LIVE YOUR LIFE with joy and freedom. Yes you can get unstuck from that chair because your freedom has been purchased with the blood of Jesus! And by his stripes we are healed, reader by his stripes, YOU are healed!
”But He was wounded for our transgressions, He was bruised for our iniquities; The chastisement for our peace was upon Him, And by His stripes we are healed.“
Isaiah 53:5 NKJV
God has the knowledge to see you, the compassion to understand you and the power to HEAL you. He is able to do exceedingly abundantly above all that we ask or think
(Ephesians 3:20) and there is nothing too big or to dark for him to overcome.
”These things I have spoken to you, that in Me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation; but be of good cheer, I have overcome the world.” John 16:33 NKJV
So through him, we too are conquerors, in fact the word of God says we are more than conquerors through Him who loved us (Romans 8:37). So rest assured that there is no valley too low, no river too wide, no water too deep that Christ cannot come and save you. He only needs an invite from you to step in, and heal – actually he restores what was stolen from you and turns what the enemy meant to destroy you with into a testimony of triumph.
I love you my dear survivor. I’m praying for you and God is with you. You are NEVER alone. Please hold on to him.
”For I am persuaded that neither death nor life, nor angels nor principalities nor powers, nor things present nor things to come, nor height nor depth, nor any other created thing, shall be able to separate us from the love of God which is in Christ Jesus our Lord.” Romans 8:38-39
If your life is at risk right now
If you feel like you might attempt suicide, or may have seriously harmed yourself, you need urgent medical help. Please:
- Call 999 for an ambulance
- Go straight to A&E, if you can
- Call your local crisis team – if you don’t already have their number, you can find an urgent mental health helpline on the NHS website
If you can’t do this by yourself, ask someone to help you.
Mental health emergencies are serious. You’re not wasting anyone’s time.
If you need to talk right now
Whatever you’re going through, there are people you can talk to any time. You can:
- Call 116 123 to talk to Samaritans, or email: jo@samaritans.org for a reply within 24 hours
- Text “SHOUT” to 85258 to contact the Shout Crisis Text Line, or text “YM” if you’re under 19
If you’re under 19, you can also call 0800 1111 to talk to Childline. The number will not appear on your phone bill.
If you related to anything I’ve written above please seriously consider seeking a therapist to help you start your journey of healing alongside prayer. There is no shame in seeking medical attention for our mental health because like any other part of the body – it need’s professional care when it’s unwell too.
All my love and strength xxx
Metiya
