[Photography by Chip. Words by Metiya]

I wanna feel more and think less

But every time I feel

As I’m about to lose myself in the feeling

My mind gets involved and wants to lead the party

If I felt and believed

I wouldn’t have gone back in 2015

I’ve been telling myself the same thing for over ten years

But I don’t know who I’m trying to convince

I guess you if it isn’t me

Got shook up when I looked at the clock

It tick tocks my mediocre spend

How has it became normal

To be normal

Late night phone calls to distract me from the screams

Imaginary plans to keep me from the truth

You will you won’t – I don’t really care

I just thought for once maybe we could do this together,

Ride out the fears that catch me mid sleep

That turn pillows wet every night and force me to count sheep

How am I gonna do this? I don’t know

But how can I not, that’s the scary question

All I ever wanted to do was dream

All they ever made me do was run

I’ve been running so long

It seems the time is never right

It seems the route never comes to an end

And I’m tired of running

I don’t want to run anymore

I’ve run your hills and through your valleys 

Over the mountains and in the the mazes 

Run this way and run that way 

Running so long it makes no sense 

I’m running myself out of my mind 

I’m running myself out of excuses 

I’m running myself out of myself 

And I’m tired of running. 

 

It’s not you, it’s me.

No really, all me

I allowed fear to trap me in your tracks

I realise it’s not you, it’s me

I made a promise to myself long ago

That I cannot outrun nor forget

I need only me to make it happen.

 

He called you a distraction and I didn’t understand it

You were never meant to be the main, only something on the side

Less central and more peripheral

But I can’t blame you

for giving up on myself.

I ran so long for others

And not enough for me

I never should have bought it

Never thought I had bought it

But I should have been more careful.

I guess I’ll take one more run

And I don’t mind if you don’t come along

In fact it’s better if you stay

I’m doing it for me this time.

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