Have you ever sat and thought ‘something is wrong, but I don’t even know where to start’. I know some of you have already joined our healing community and downloaded the free healing guide here. But I think this topic deserves a full post because thinking of how to start your healing journey can be so overwhelming in itself that it actually prevents you from starting. But like everything in life that is huge and overwhelming – we have to take it one step at a time. Asking where to begin healing is akin to asking ‘how do you eat an elephant?’ the answer is one bite at a time. (Please this is just an illustration! As a vegetarian and animal lover – I do NOT want you to eat the elephants please! hehehe).
As for me, my trauma was buried very far deep down into my subconscious mind (full story here), so I never really thought that I needed to heal. Having experienced trauma and abuse in my childhood, my brain had done what was essential for my survival then and buried those painful and hurtful experiences deep down and out of my daily reach. But what served my survival then was not really serving my peace, growth or joy in my adulthood. No matter how much I achieved – working for the world’s biggest organisations, starting businesses, winning awards, making more money than I ever imagined, moving to the city. getting all the clothes and beauty products I had always wanted, having access to the best treatments and meeting successful girls and guys from all over the world – it just wasn’t enough. I kept needing more. It was like okay I have this property but maybe when I get the dream body then I will feel good, then it will be like okay I have this dream body maybe when I get the dream role it will be good, then I get the role and be like hmm okay maybe when I get the dream car it will be good. And it was a never ending cycle of never feeling good enough, no matter what I tried or achieved. Mind you this will be a long post, so if you would rather have the short one-pager PDF with 5 steps to start your healing journey then click the button below:
The turning point came for me when I heard this sentence from my therapist, she said ‘Until you heal the wound, it’s going to keep on bleeding’. What wound was I carrying? Is that the reason I couldn’t find true inner peace or contentment? Is that the reason I felt joy was something that was out of my reach – maybe for others but not for me? Is that the reason I had so many sleep problems; sleeping at midnight and waking up at 4am every night? Could it be the reason my work felt like the most important thing in my life? I didn’t know the answers, but it inspired me to get serious about my wound and google ‘how to start your healing journey.’
What I want you to know is that healing is possible. No matter what happened to you, or what you have gone through – HEALING is possible for you too. Why do I keep writing and talking about this? Well for many years I had no idea that I was carrying a wound. I didn’t know that it was bleeding into so many different areas of my life and literally stealing the peace, joy and abundant life Jesus had died for me to have. I don’t want you to waste your years living half a life, experiencing half the joy or realising half your potential because your bucket was bleeding out everywhere and you didn’t even know it. John 10 verse 10 are words spoken by Jesus, he says:
The thief does not come except to steal, and to kill, and to destroy. I have come that they may have life, and that they may have it more abundantly.
They is YOU. God’s wish for you is ABUNDANT life. That means joy, freedom and healing.
So let’s get into the steps below on how to start your healing journey.
Steps to Start Your Healing Journey
- 1. Recognise that something is wrong
You guys have seen how in my own story I had to first surrender my own stubbornness and ideas to the reality of the situation. You have to admit that something is wrong and that you are worth investing the time and effort to look into it what could be causing the bleed. It’s looking at your life and examining your heart and being very honest with yourself to say that there is a wound there.
Now no-one is perfect and I know that we all have things we would improve about ourselves but a wound hurts, and thats the difference. Sometimes we get so good at masking the pain (I wrote about this here) that we almost convince ourselves that everything is okay. But the truth is it never really goes away and the first step in healing is admitting that there is a wound in your soul. This in itself takes so much bravery and actually puts you ahead of so many who are running away at any rate and any cost to avoid facing the pain of what they went through. That is completely understandable by the way, we are not shaming for what you’ve had to do in order to survive, what I am saying is that there is MORE than survival, and if are brave enough to take the leap to face our truth, we can experence a fuller and joy-filled life. I think you deserve that.
- 2. Decide that you want to heal
One of my favourite parables in the bible is about a man who was paralysed for 38 years. He was laying by a pool in Jerusalem called Bethseda, which was considered to have healing powers. So basically a whole host of sick, blind, disabled and paralyzed people were waiting for the moving of the waters so that they could dip in the water first and be healed of their infirmities. So this man who had been paralysed was waiting by the waters of Bethesda when Jesus came passing by and saw him lying there. Jesus went up to him knowing that he had been in that condition for a long time and said to the man – ‘Do You want to be made whole?’ That always baffled me.
The man has been around this pool for GOD KNOWS HOW LONG!(Pun intended coz Jesus IS God 😁) and you ask him if he wants to be healed? Surely the anointed Messiah, Redeemer, Saviour and LORD Jesus Christ KNEW that this man wanted to be healed. Like WHY else did he come? lol. And yet even to the Alpha and Omega – the man had to declare his desire to heal. God wants to give it to you, but you have to want it. You have to make a decision that you want to heal, you will no longer be bound but what was holding you captive, you will not be broken by the things that broke your mother and father or great-grandma. You have to decide that no matter what it costs or how long it takes – you WILL heal.
You do this by claiming the promises of God over your life. By believing in faith that God wants you to have life and have it abundantly and that you deserve to be whole and free from the inside out. That no matter what happened to you, healing is possible for everyone, including you.
- 3. Seek out a supportive community
There are many things you can do on your own – you can start a business, go on holiday, travel the world, seek the Lord, get a degree or qualification but healing is not one of them. It’ve very difficult to face the things you never faced before, especially when you don’t know how deep and intricate those wounds have become. The good thing is that nothing is new under the sun – that includes pain and painful experiences. Someone has walked the journey you have and got through the other side. Someone is walking the same journey right now and fighting through the same things you are. You are NOT alone and you don’t have to walk this path alone.
Trauma can be so heavy and dark that going through it alone can leave your mind in a very desolate and hopeless place. As much as therapy helped me, I know that not everyone is ready to take that step. But on this healing journey you will need someone for the dark days. Even if it’s just someone who understands what you are going through because they’ve gone through it before too. And praise God there are so many different platforms nowadays thanks to technology where you can share stories or read stories and follow people without ever having to make your presence known if you don’t want to. Things like Facebook groups – did you know that there is a group for pretty much EVERYTHING on Facebook? lol. From Daughters of Narcissistic Fathers to Survivors of Childhood Trauma, whatever you need you got it. If you’re not on Facebook, just go to YouTube and type in what you need, there will be someone with a story or going through something similar. And if you need something more, please try looking into physical groups as well there are support groups that still exist and meet up physically or virtually for a plethora of different matters of concern.
- 4. Create emotional safety
In order to heal you must grieve what you lost. And grieving is a difficult and demanding process that requires time, space and compassion. Some of us have been through so much that we learnt to detach from our emotions just to get through the day, the month and year. We did what we had to do to carry on, and our mind helped to protect us by creating very efficient distractions from feelings. I had no idea that I had an addiction, I just thought I was enterprising and entrepreneurial. I remember at one point I had 5 different companies doing different things, and I was killing myself working at attempting to make each one successful. I was a workaholic and I had no idea. But one day until my therapist challenged me to give it up for a week. She might as well have suggested that I stop breathing because I thought it was UTTERLY ridiculous and unreasonable! She was asking the impossible! I was not addicted to my work and I found it insulting that she would insinuate that. But at the same time I was really struggling to even attempt this one week challenge.
When I finally decided to try it (mostly to shut her up tbh 😆) I realised that it was very dark in my mind. It was a deep, dark, silent sadness. I had no idea that so much sorrow was lurking behind the barriers. It was a very tough exercise because for the first time I had to sit with my emotions – something I never learnt how to do. Take it easy with this one, start by just asking yourself how you feel everyday. I’ll be honest when I first started doing this, I struggled with even answering that basic question. But I started reading up about sitting with your emotions and naming your feelings and using an emotional wheel to help me identify how I was feeling and sit with it. Slowly but surely I was able to connect with my emotions again and all of this sets the foundation to prepare you to face the most difficult memories that your mind suppressed. It starts teaching your nervous system that you are a safe person and it’s okay to remember.
- 5. Journal your journey
Journalling is a great way to reconnect with yourself and discover who you are. It’s a way to stop all the outside noise and make room for that little tiny inner voice of younger you which has been blocked out by all the pain, pressures and promises unfulfilled of this cold world. I wrote my book : You Are Enough – The Purpose Journal in 2021 during Covid. At that point I was nowhere near starting my healing journey. But that book was the preparation my mind needed to embark on dealing with the past. The first chapter is about God creating you for a reason and loving you from the beginning, it has an affirmation that says ‘ God chose me before I was formed in the womb; He set me apart before I was born’ and a prompt to write down three things that make you unique – challenging you to find the loveable things about you and recognise the light that you carry inside.
Of course I recommend The Purpose Journal to start your journey but if you’re unable to get it then you can simply start by reflecting on what brought you the most joy in your childhood and when that changed. Write down one thing everyday that you love about yourself and eventually you’ll notice your mind get stronger and the memories get easier to come by. It’s all part of the journey to recognising and healing the wounds we carry.
Be Kind and Patient With Yourself
Finally my darling reader, please remember to be kind and patient with yourself. If things feel urgent right now, please reach out to someone today, my resources page has people who can help. I was afraid to start my healing journey because I thought it would slow down my work progress, my life progress, my goals and ambition. But what I have come to realise since disclosing in 2024, is that healing is not ‘another thing’ on my to-do list, it’s a lifestyle. It changes everything for the better. I breathe deeper, I walk slower, I enjoy the little things just as much as the big things. Saying my affirmations everyday is just as enjoyable and freeing (if not more) than achieving a 6 figure ROI at work, because it brings me to me, and there is nothing more precious than that. Money might come and go, beauty and muscles might fade away, friends will disappear and family will pass away, but you will have to live with you for the rest of your life, and you are worth the investment. You are worthy of freedom and joy and ABUNDANT life.
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Love, light and healing.
MC x
