If I could title this period of my life, I would probably call it ‘Transition’
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“Ever since the hurricane, nothing’s been the same.”
Everything is changing, the weather is going through autumn changes, the trees are shedding their golden leaves, the nights are longer and darker. Within me I feel a change too. I’m not sure exactly when it happened, I think it was probably just a build up of recurring events that got me really frustrated. And I had to question it you know, what could be causing so much frustration in my life? Constantly have me battling feelings of inadequacy and insufficiency?
I’ve finally reached a point where I don’t want to fight myself anymore. I want to be kind and patient with myself and my journey. I’ve decided to detach from what it should be in my mind, from the same ideas I’ve had for so long of who and how I should be, and instead embrace who I am right now and what I have. You know? I don’t care at all about sacrificing my happiness for the sake of a future I can’t see, I deserve to live the life I want right now.
This is the thing about balance – you have to think of how your actions will impact your future, but not be afraid to live your life to the full in the present moment. But fear drives so much of society and the frameworks that hold us to the same monotonous life cycles that have got us so trapped, that we barely think about our purpose here on earth before our deathbeds. I probably have been living in fear for a long time, it’s strange because sometimes fear merges into normality and when something is ‘normal’ you are almost forced to accept it, right? Well no.
I reached a point where it wasn’t making any sense to me, things that seemed to be working for other people were just not sufficient for me, I wasn’t experiencing the same results and I really started to hate it, everything. I found it a cursing to have a dream that I could not live, to carry a vision that I never had the chance to work on and it really got me down.
In this life, we decide our own happiness, we pave our own paths and choose what we want to believe. The 50/50 thing, I have tried it and it doesn’t really work for me. It’s like this:
My iPhone has a code on it, and I was prompted to change it the other day. I woke up today and tried entering my old passcode to unlock the phone but it didn’t work, so I tried it again, and again and again. After about the fifth time, I realised that there was something wrong with the code – not with me, not with my fingers, not with my phone but simply that the code I was entering was incorrect. Then I realised that I had changed the code and remembered the correct one.
It sounds silly but I wonder how much of that I do in my life. You know? With other aspects of my life where I try the same thing again and again and again, and I blame myself when it doesn’t work. I say ‘ohh Metiya you are inconsistent, you are uncommitted, you are unwilling to put in the work or not good enough’ and that is all so wrong!
I am good enough. I am enough. I can do it.
But perhaps my method is the issue, not me, but the method in which I am trying to resolve my work.
This transition for me is into finally living by my own rules. Not doing things because that is what is expected of me or because of other people, or society’s unspoken rules. But just going for it, because its what I want to do. Because it will bring me peace, and ultimately because its what I was made to do, my purpose.
I hope we find the wisdom to recognise life’s short span, and the courage to live out our dreams as though we have no other choice. I remind you once again, that everything you have been through up to this point has been to prepare you for you the next chapter of your life. But now its up to YOU to bundle up all your wisdom & experience and decide that you are ready to walk into your next chapter, without fear of how it will end.
Love and light. Always x MC